I'm So... Costly... Cool... Primitive & Silly

They're not loveable coming or going, they cost more per mile, but they do generate massive smugness.

Of course, the creators of "South Park" said it best in one simple word: Smug. Hybrid vehicles pollute less, but they create massive amounts of smugness. The philosophical question is, "If a hybrid vehicle driver has no fun, is there fun to have been had?" The answer is "probably not". Smug owners of these bland little personality-less boxes have over-paid for the right to create smugness and act silly.

An analysis by "Consumer's Reports'" magazine reveals purchase and operational costs and facts.

An article in "Consumer Reports" evaluated significant projected costs of hybrids compared to their gasoline counterparts over 5 years and 75,000 miles.

Within the group of six models the magazine examined, the total 5-year cost of hybrids ranged from somewhat better than break-even to costing over $5,500 extra. The following points were identified.

A federal tax credit could be eliminated for some models as soon as summer, 2006. Only a portion of all qualifying vehicles is eligible. The tax credit applies to only two hybrids -- the Toyota Prius and Honda Civic Hybrid -- over five years of ownership.

Higher purchase cost -- This most important factor affects other cost calculations. Those include higher tax charges at purchase and higher interest costs over the life of a loan. The sticker price for a Honda Civic Hybrid is about $4,000 more than the gasoline-only version Civic. The Toyota Highlander Hybrid costs $7,200 more than the gasoline-only version Highlander.

Mileage exaggerations -- For decades the mileage figures claimed and posted on window stickers and sanctioned by the Environmental Protection Agency, have been known to exaggerate what real drivers can achieve. The most fuel-efficient hybrid is the Toyota Prius. Its advertised 55 mpg is not the actual 44 mpg achieved in the "Consumer Reports'" real-world tests. A Honda Accord Hybrid gets 2 mpg more than the regular Accord which gets 23 mpg. However the hybrid version costs $5,700 more.

Depreciation -- Hybrids often depreciate slightly faster than gasoline vehicles. The Prius and Lexus RX400h would take a $2,500 larger depreciation drop than their gasoline versions after five years.

Insurance & maintenance -- Insurance rates are expected to be higher for hybrids than for gasoline-only vehicles. As an example, a Lexus RX400h is estimated to cost $467 more to insure and $70 more in maintenance over five years.

And what about those omni-present laws of physics? How about that Law of Conservation of Energy? Remember that each time energy is converted, the process results in a loss of energy. In this application, using gasoline to create electricity creates an amount of energy equal to the total energy in the gasoline minus conversion losses. No matter how efficient the electric motor is in moving the hybrid vehicles, potentially useful energy has been lost during conversion into electricity. Don't forget the energy expended carrying that 150 pound battery around in the trunk.

Gasoline prices will need to go much beyond today's and the smuggies will need to drive many, many more miles to justify buying a hybrid to save money.

So, they cost more, generate a whole lot of smugness, may eliminate some amount of pollution, and surely must be little fun to drive. (NOTE: No one here has test driven a hybrid. We enjoy every day of life too much.)